Points of Failure
Points of Failure is a podcast about what actually goes wrong, and the part people don't want to look at.
Most conversations about failure happen after it's been cleaned up, framed, and turned into a lesson. This one starts at the breakdown and works backward. Through guest interviews and solo episodes, we examine the patterns behind failure in work, relationships, identity, and decision-making, with a bias toward what people are avoiding rather than what they're processing.
If you're noticing a pattern you can't explain away anymore, you're probably in the right place.
Questions, topic ideas, or guest suggestions: failurepointspod@gmail.com
Points of Failure
S2E09 - Filling your sandbag
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
On this episode, we talk to Leah Thrasher. She's a mother, entrepreneur, investor, coach, and author. We discuss taking a business from the bottom to the top, breaking away from traditions, and why you should completely fill your sandbag.
You can support the show by going to: https://pointsoffailure.buzzsprout.com
Hello, faithful listeners. I just wanted to jump on here real quick and extend an apology to both you, my listeners, and to the guest on this episode, Leah Thrasher. We recorded this back in May, and in an unfortunate point of failure, I wasn't able to dedicate the time to get this edited and released in a timely fashion. You will note that there are some strange timelines noted in July and September, and here we are in October. Again, I apologize to you and to Leah, and I hope that despite the tardiness of the episode's release, you can still enjoy it and get something out of it. Thank you again for sticking with me, and please enjoy. Coming up on Points of Failure.
SPEAKER_01Again, it goes back to my childhood of learning how to adapt to uncomfortable situations. And you know, I wasn't the standout kid. I wasn't like the best.
SPEAKER_00We are here today with Leah Thrasher, and um she is local in the area. And I'll just uh let you take off and just kind of give us your background. Tell us a little about yourself, where you come from, and and uh where you are today.
SPEAKER_01So um my background, well, first of all, I'm a mom, and I would say that's probably my favorite thing about myself is um I have four great kids. They um are a portion of me, and I look at them sometimes and I'm like, wow, I I did good. And so for me, I um I think that's the best part of me is that I'm a mom. And when I was a little girl, that's what I dreamed about. Like I wanted to grow up and I wanted to be a mom, but I didn't want to be just an average mom. I wanted to be exceptional, and I wanted my kids to say, wow, I'm really lucky, I have a great mom. And so now that they're older and they say things like that, it's uh without me, of course, I've never said that to them, to hear them make those comments and and say, Wow, mom, I'm really, I feel lucky. Uh, I'm grateful to have you as my mom. And a couple days ago, my son, my 19-year-old, he came up to me and he said, Mom, I love you like times infinity. And so have like a 19-year-old, you know, boy say that to his mom, sure, I feel like that's quite the accomplishment. So if I never achieve anything else in my life, I have done that with my kids. And so I'm grateful for that. So, um, but second of all, I am an entrepreneur. Since I was a little girl, um, I remember like when I was in around 10 years old, like the light bulb went off for me. And I realized, oh, if I work, I make money and I can have things. And uh so we I come from very humble beginnings, and um my parents divorced when I was young, and so we we didn't have anything. Um, and so my mom, she worked three jobs, and I remember watching her, and I remember how we struggled, and it was just my brother and I and my mom. And my mom, it's funny because I I look back on um my life and I see like things that I absolutely hated about my childhood, but now I I'm grateful for them because they made me who I am. So, in that entrepreneur um like mindset, like if I hadn't have had the struggle, I probably would not be where I am today. So looking back on it and and seeing my mom, like we get up at 4 a.m. And mom was always you'd never leave the house with your bed not made. Get up and you make the bed, and you make sure, and a lot of times she would make us vacuum the floor because we had to come home to the house being clean. And so we would get up at four and we would go to mom's first job where she was a janitor at the um water utilities, and we would help her, and we'd gather trash, and we would mom we would vacuum and do and get ready, and then by the time um it was time for us to go to school, she'd be finished with that job. She'd take us to school and then she would go to her next job.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_01And then, you know, we would ride the bus to wherever we were going that afternoon, and then mom would pick us up, uh, or you know, if we would go to our aunt and uncles or wherever we would go, and then mom would come get us when she finished her third job. And we did that for years. And so um for a long time, like several years, um, we lived in a uh travel trailer, a little camper, and we just didn't have anything. But we were good, like we knew we had each other, and that was good. So um that looking back on that struggle um was um it really did, it was hard, but it made me who I am. So I don't want to relive it.
SPEAKER_00Right. Yeah, no doubt.
SPEAKER_01But it was it was good. So um, but yeah, so I realized um I guess I was probably 11, 10 or 11 when I um started, you know, working for like different people in the community. Like I would do little jobs, like if it was raking leaves, or if it was you know like helping them clean their house or you know, learning how to like hem and uh like to make curtains or fabric or like little dresses or whatever. Um I've learned how to do those things and and these older women in the community they would pay us or pay me to to help them. And so I remember that being such a big deal. Um so yeah, starting out and then you know, through my teenage years, that was just something like even my cousins, we all there were there were seven of us, and I was always the one that was like, I knew what I was gonna do. I wanted to grow up, I wanted to have this family, and I wanted to be my own boss. I wanted to own my own company, and this is what I was gonna do. I didn't know what it was gonna be, but I knew that at some point in my life that I would be um a boss.
SPEAKER_03Wow. There you go.
SPEAKER_01So I would say um, like the uh entrepreneurial side of me is is something that I'm that excites me. Like it get it gets me up every morning, and and I don't have this like daily routine of that I do the same thing every day or you go punch a clock, but you get up and you figure it out because you know the job has to be done. Right. And it doesn't matter what it is, it's sweeping the floor or cleaning the bathroom or training someone how to sell something, or no matter what, like you you have this ability to wear multiple hats and you just do it. So you don't have someone saying, Hey, you go do this and go do that. You know, so I've always just been able to figure it out.
SPEAKER_00Nice. So that probably starts, I would imagine, from being so young as a child, your mom just kind of making you do those things, and you just have that mindset of this has to get done, so you do it.
SPEAKER_01Yes, 100%. And like we got to where we would know a lot of times we would just automatically know she didn't have to tell us. Yeah. Um this is what we do, and this is the requirement, and you just do it. Yeah. And I remember it's funny because we still joke about it, but my brother absolutely hated it. And he would do like a terrible job, so she wouldn't make him do it. He would do it on purpose. So he would make his bed like halfway, or he would vacuum the floor like like it wasn't good. Yeah. And I remember laughing at that because you know, mom was very particular, and so you do it right. And so I remember like watching him and it as a little girl and kind of laughing, thinking, uh-huh, she's gonna make you redo that.
SPEAKER_00You're not getting away with it.
SPEAKER_01No, and he did a lot of times, he did get away with it because he had this way with my mom. He could make her laugh to where I did not have that. So I I would watch him with her, and he would he would um do something, you know, just half-hearted. And and then mom would come in, what are you doing? You don't do it like that, and he would make her laugh, and then he would get a pass for it. Well, then if I tried that, I would get punished. Oh wow. She was like, no, you're gonna and you're gonna redo it. So take it all off and do it right.
SPEAKER_03Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01And so, and I'm glad that she was that way. I resented it in the moment, but now looking back, I'm like, I'm glad that she was that way. Um, and I'm sure my brother feels the same way.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, for sure. I think that's you know, that's a good image of um teaching you at a young age that you're not entitled to anything, that you have to work for it. And I think that's a I think it's a huge failure in a lot of ways. And um, for some people, like I know I don't want to say my parents failed, they didn't fail, they did, you know, my parents are very good and I appreciate everything they did. But there are a lot of things that in the spirit of trying to be loving and help me when I was younger, um, I think they taught me that I could just rely on other people at a young age. And I didn't learn to, no, that's not how it works. You know, you're on your own, you gotta do this on your own, uh, especially solving problems, you know. You create a problem, you gotta solve it. And uh, so yeah, I think that's a good thing. It's pretty cool uh that your mom taught you so young. I mean, I'm sure, like you said, as a child, that probably wasn't fun. Getting up at 4 a.m. and working and then going to school and then working after school. But you know, it's uh life sucks sometimes, but you learn a hard lesson, then it goes with you.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And again, I'm I'm grateful for it now. And I do realize like looking back, um, it's we we hopped around in different schools and um like having to like adapt to like different people, different circumstances, like because we would go in and and not know anyone. And like now, um, you know, when I had the opportunity to grow my business and move from my hometown to northwest Arkansas, it was such a a big deal for me, but I wasn't afraid um because I was like, well, I've never been to Northwest Arkansas, so let me go check it out. And then I drove up and seen the area and was like, okay, this is a hundred percent what I want to do. Um, I want to live here. And I went back home and was, you know, talking to my mother about it, and she was like, but you don't know anyone. And so, like, looking back on my childhood, I think that was another thing because I went to different schools and had to adapt to different people and circumstances that that fear of change wasn't there for me. Like it was something that maybe excited me. So when I came here, I didn't know anyone, and I was okay with it. And and for me, like I remember like driving up that first weekend, and um my mother actually came with me when I moved up here because I was gonna live in a motorhome. And so, and I pulled my car behind the motorhome, and mom was like, I'll I'll go help you get set up. And so she came up with me, and um she was like, You you I'm worried about you because you don't know anyone. And I remember saying to her, that's the good thing. Like, I'm excited about that. Because there was for me, there was like limitless possibilities like that were lying before me, and this was gonna get me to where I wanted to go. And I had this vision of the life that I wanted to live, and so for me, nothing was gonna stop me from living that um that dream. Like I knew I was gonna grow my company and I was gonna have, you know, I had this plan. And the every time that I would get like it, I would feel overwhelmed or stressed, or maybe feel fear, um, instead of like running from it, I feel like that I just internally from something from my childhood, like I embraced it. And so, like looking back on even I remember when we moved from our hometown to um I grew up in Falc and growing leaving Falc, which is was a small town of less than a thousand people, and moving to Texarkana and going to a school there, which was quite a bit bigger. Um, I remember going and and meeting all these people and and actually liking it. So I think like looking back, even though it was, oh, I don't want to leave my friends, I don't want to leave my hometown. This is the only life I've ever known, and then going and then knowing that I was okay. Yeah, and so growth was good for me. And it was the challenge of that of how many friends can I make and how many people can I uh you know be around, and that was fun. So I think, you know, again, as a kid, I resented it, but as now looking back on it, it she did me a favor.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I would say so. I know I when I was young, I I don't know that I was ever excited, like embracing the idea, like, yeah, I'm gonna meet new people. If I had to go to a new place, I I think it always made me nervous, but I was acclimated easily. I I think I've I was kind of a shy kid, um, but at the same time, I sort of I think I just maybe not shy, I just opened up slowly. But that's interesting that you like just like look forward to moving to a new place and and seeing some now. Now but this ripe old 46 years out that I am, I uh I'm all about finding some new places. You know, I've been in Arkansas too long, so I'm about moving around and seeing something new. So um, so did you um did you say you already had your your cellular business when you moved up here or you hadn't started it yet?
SPEAKER_01No, I did. You did, okay. Yes. So I started out in 2009 and I opened two stores in Texarkana, and really we were um I loved it. I mean, so when I went into the business, it was a little different scenario. I didn't go into it with the intentions of me running it. Um, we went into it with um we were gonna hire someone else to run it because I was working at a school where my kids were. Yes, I wanted to be where my kids were. And then the guy that was running our company it just didn't work out. And so I came into it. Um, we opened uh May 1st of 2009, and I came into the business in October. Okay, and we had really consistently had been losing money every month from May to October. So we were tired of the bleeding. Sure. So um to stop that, um, it was okay, we need I have to step in. And so it was foreign for me because I didn't know anything about cell phones, and that was back when there was just like razor flip phones.
SPEAKER_00Oh, sure, yeah. I remember those days.
SPEAKER_01You know, the texting was not even a big thing yet.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so having to hit the keypad three times for each button.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. And so I remember, I remember thinking, I don't know anything about cell phones, and I don't even care. And um, like I don't care about my phone. My phone is boring. If my phone never, if I never if it never rang or if I didn't have it, I would have been fine with it. Sure. And I just wasn't to that point where I just like felt like I needed a phone on me at all times, and so it was funny because I remember going into it thinking um it's a little overwhelming because I don't know anything about technology. But then once I got into it and realized that I don't know anything about technology, but I'm about to because if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna be the best at it. And I remember the first dealer, um, so I'm an authorized dealer, and I remember the first um authorized dealer meeting that I went to in Dallas, and I wanted to get in front of all these people. I wanted them to know who I was. And I remember um talking to the director at the time, and I said, Okay, who is your best dealer? And they pointed them out to me and I said, Okay, I I want to know them. And I told them, I said, Look, I don't, I'm not coming into this to play small. Like, I want I don't want just two stores. Like, how many stores does that guy have? And at the time he had a hundred. And I remember thinking, holy smokes. That's a lot of stores. That's a lot of stores.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I said, Okay, I that's what I want. And I said, I want to learn how to get from two to a hundred. How did he do it? They said, um, they told me, they said, well, um, he's a master dealer, and this is how it works. And I said, Okay, well, that's what I want. I want to be a master dealer. Over time, I actually became a master dealer and was able to really grow and expand. And I was in four different states. I was in Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, and Arkansas, and was able to um learn from like the people around me. I mean, I was just absorbing any kind of information. I always would ask, like, what's your best practice? What is working for you? What's not working for you? And learning how to like adapt and and be in the room with these people that were living the life that I wanted to live. Um, and I remember this is funny. We had this big meeting uh in Dallas, and it was at um the Gaylord.
SPEAKER_03Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_01It was my first time there, and I came pulling up, and there was like uh my dream car is the Pearl White Bentley. Okay, and there was a Pearl White Bentley there, and there were all these, you know, really high-end cars there. And I remember thinking, um, I think at the time I had like a um I had a Toyota Avalon.
SPEAKER_00That's pretty nice though.
SPEAKER_01It is very nice. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but I remember thinking, wow, there's my dream car. I'm gonna own that car, and this is where I'm gonna get how I'm gonna get there. And I remember like really trying to get in front of these people and talk to them, and I wasn't afraid. And um, and I also had like really good relationships with the corporate side of the business, and so I would ask them questions, and so they were very influential and willing to um invest some time in me and tell me, hey, this is this is how we do it. And so I would take what I learned from them and then I would adapt it to the culture that I wanted to um produce in my own life in my own company. So everything that they would say, I would think, oh, okay, well then I could do this and maybe make it a little better. Yeah. And so I think that's really like as far as the successes in my life, again, it goes back to my childhood of learning how to adapt to uncomfortable situations. And, you know, I wasn't the standout kid. I wasn't like the best, I didn't have the I didn't make the best grades in school. I could have done better. Um, I did okay, um, but I wasn't like the standout, and I wasn't considered the most likely to succeed. And so for me, um, like looking back on it, I'm I'm okay with that.
SPEAKER_00I feel like that might that's I might have in my will to put that on my headstone that I could have done better. So um, okay, so uh what about uh points where you any point on that timeline where you feel like you failed, what sort of failures did you face along the way?
SPEAKER_01Oh goodness. I would say I had lots of failures. Um, you know, there's again learning best practices and trying to um like put those in place. And I, you know, one thing I always thought that was important is again, going back to my mother, the work ethic that she taught me. Like for me, I never thought I was too good to work. And so when I as I built my company and built my team, I would always say, we're in this together. And I would ask them, like, what do you need for me? How can I make your job better? Like, how can I uh I wanted to invest in my team because I wanted them to know that I'm the same as they are, you know, we are for real, we're in this together. And the only way to get to the top is with each other because we can't do it on our own, right? Yeah, and so I think like early on, um I failed at investing the right amount of time in my team to teach them um or train them like how to be better at you know, even with sales. And so like I I remember like um, you know, I remember them coming in and saying, okay, you're at the bottom, like you're you're doing terrible in this area. And if you don't do better, we're gonna have to come in and make some changes. And I remember thinking, oh no, no, they can't, they can't be. And so we went from being in last place to first place.
SPEAKER_03Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01And it was just from um training and just being available, like going in and and listening to my employees and word tracks and what they were saying and how they were treating our customers and saying, okay, let's try this. And as as we did that over time, we became number one in that area. And so when that happened, I was like, oh, okay. And so from that, like I learned, so I went from being on the bottom, and then for seven years, I was dealer of the year, I was number one, and then ultimately I won like the the the big prize where I was um I was the number one dealer um in the whole Mountain West, which was a big deal. And so they flew us out to um San Francisco, and my name was on the stage and lights, and I won this amazing award and this beautiful watch, and and everyone was like it was a big, huge celebration. They had this big rooftop party, and and um it was like the pinnacle of like I've I've done it all. And and it's funny because I go back to that very first dealer meeting where I went in and was like, okay, I want to be that guy. And then moving forward, I always thought of him. I want to, and so I I envisioned, I think that's the important part of it, is like visioning like this is what it's gonna be. And I didn't allow doubt to hold me back. Like, well, I'll never get there because we are what we think we are, right?
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_01And um now I'm gonna fail. I that was not even an option for me. Failure was never an option, it was gonna happen. And so the the you know, the sad thing I think for me was um through that, like through the success of building my company, I failed in my relationship and ultimately led to my divorce. And like I still feel like um I remember showing up in my relationship and in my marriage and feeling like I was giving my all, but also feeling like it wasn't enough. And so as I didn't feel like I was um getting away anywhere in our relationship, I poured myself even more so into my business, which people do. You know, you just want to, you gotta be successful somewhere, right? So I gave that to my kids and I gave that to my company. And um after, you know, 23 years of being married, um, see, we were together 25 years. Um, accepting failure in my relationship was really difficult for me because you know I've lived with this failure is not an option, and which is what kept me married for 23 years because I wasn't gonna accept failure or defeat in any part of my life. So I was gonna show up and I was gonna work hard and I was gonna do everything that I could do within my own power to try to fix our broken relationship, and so ultimately I did not. So I don't I don't feel like it's because of my successes in business. Yeah, I think it happened, um, I think it was gonna happen anyways.
SPEAKER_00Sure. Yeah, that's usually the case, I think. Sounds like maybe you kind of found that um maybe there's a bit of a diminishing return in the, you know, that excessive drive to succeed in everything, you know, the the failure's not an option kind of deal, maybe, you know, gets us sometimes. We find that point where we get over focused in a particular area and we lose sight of other things. And we I've heard people say they don't like the term balance, but I kind of like that word. But you know, finding that striking that balance. Um, I do think there's somewhat of a diminishing return and overdrive, you know. I I found myself doing that sometimes. I I can really I get I get on that overdrive, and then I find that when I push so hard in something, then I begin to get a little burned out, and so I back off of it so much that I sit away from it for too long. So I'm just trying to I'm trying to strike that balance, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think balance is is important. Um I think it's it's very difficult when you have young children. Yes, and you have a a a company that you're trying to build, and then you have a relationship that probably we should have never been together in the first place.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, and so it requires so much work. And if both parties aren't willing, then failure is you're it's it's inevitable. Yeah, the only option. And I also think that um we live like I know as like young women or young girls, like we're taught, we're trained, taught, and educated that this is the cookie cutter life that you're supposed to live.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we'll start for life.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and so you grow up and you are this good little wife, and you're this you know, mother, and you this is this is what it looks like for you. And I think for me, I wasn't satisfied with just that cookie cutter life. And I remember going um out with friends and being bored to death with the conversation that the women would have, and I would lean more towards the conversation that the men would have because it was about business and building and structure and things that were all so important to me. And the women were always talking about, like, you know, labor and having babies and what it felt like, and that was so boring to me because I was like, Well, I did all those things and and I survived. And yes, that's an interesting story, but what can we do with this? They're over here talking about buying this company and let's build it and let's make it make a million dollars in the first, you know. And I was like, ooh, yeah. And so I remember like I was different, and that cookie cutter said, No, you can't be in that conversation because that's the man's conversation. You mind your business, you mind your place, and you get back over here with the women, and you talk about recipes and how you're gonna decorate your house and the type of curtains you're gonna hang. And I was like, kill me now. I don't want to talk about that. That is boring. Although I can produce a beautiful home and I can I can have babies and I can be an excellent cook, I can do all those things, I just don't have to talk about it to be good at it. Right. That's boring.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, you felt um seems like you felt that you had something bigger for yourself, you know, that instead of sitting around commiserating about the life that you've been forced into, you're listening to these other folks talk about, you know, this is the life I want to create. Yes. You know, that that's sort of a I I hate the way that um it seems, especially here in in Arkansas in the Midwest or the South, whichever, um, that women seem to be um taught from a young age. Uh, like you said, that it's you're supposed to get married and be a good wife. You know, it's the the Disney thing, you know, the Prince Charming comes in and says a little girl who had you know nothing going for her except the horrible parents, you know, whatever. And I hate that mentality, that notion that women need a man to say that. I don't I don't know if I I I don't like using terms anymore like feminism and stuff because I never know what it means when people say it. So I guess you have to ask what they mean when they say it. But on some level, I guess I would say I'm a bit of a feminist in the sense that I don't think women should be subjugated into this position, you know, that that's you know, you need me. I ugh, I hate the sound of that, you know, because I I mean most of the women that I know are far more successful than I've ever been, so they clearly didn't need a man, you know, or at least they didn't need me.
SPEAKER_01So well, I I think um I I am not a feminist, but I do believe that women can be strong, women can be powerful on their own, yes, and they can be celebrated on their own. And all the other, the relationships, like the and adding like the man in your life and all of that, that's just the added bonus that you get for all these things you accomplished for me. And so I think um instead of is it's it is a difficult going back to the balance thing, it's difficult for because women can be too successful, sure, and then they're a threat to men. Yeah, and men don't want that, and so it's really hard um nowadays being too successful or coming across like, hey, I have my life together. And in my mind, I'm like, that should be an attractive thing, right?
SPEAKER_00That'll be good.
SPEAKER_01Yes, but it goes back to how we were taught when we were kids that women have their place, and I do believe that women have a place, and and I believe men have theirs, and I believe that men are the protectors and the providers of the home, but we are also we're equal in in most areas, and we can celebrate each other's successes, um, or at least that's how it should be. And I think for me, like throwing out that cookie cutter of I don't want to live the life that I was trained, taught, and educated that I had to live was kind of exciting.
SPEAKER_03Sure, I can imagine.
SPEAKER_01And for me, like I didn't want to, um, how do I say it? I feel like at times, like I was maybe the exception because of the struggle that I came from. Like for me, like when I look at myself like and envision the life that I was supposed to live versus the life that I'm living now, it's almost like I was given this puzzle to put together, and they're like you're looking at the box, and this is what it's supposed to look like, but it doesn't, you can't put it together because the pieces don't match. It's I was given the wrong picture. Okay. That makes sense. And so for me, like I had to like stop envisioning um, okay, we're I'm gonna be this mom and raise these kids, and we're gonna have great, or we're gonna have grandkids, and we're gonna sit in rocking chairs and we're gonna grow old together, and he's gonna be happy because I've built this amazing company and we have this comfortable life, and this is how it's supposed to be. Like letting go of that, and in one way and accepting failure there and saying, you know what, the picture was wrong for me, and so now I'm having to create and find a different picture with these pieces that I have, and they're the right pieces with this right picture. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01I like that analogy, and so like now I'm like, what does that picture look like in our 40s? Like going back to like when we were kids, we're like, oh, I was gonna live this and it was gonna be this way, and it was gonna be amazing, and we were never gonna have any problems. And then we have all these problems, and it didn't work out, and I'm not living that cookie cutter life anymore. Now, changing the picture, and what does it look like? I'm single in my 40s now, I'm starting over, my kids are grown, I'm just gonna be empty nest. What is the picture now? And now, like moving forward, I look at it and I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what that picture looks like.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but now you can paint it yourself. So I mean that's I like that analogy a lot, actually. That's uh it's a really good analogy that it's almost as if somebody gave you these pieces, these blank pieces, like you said, but yeah, they don't align to that picture. They say, Here's the picture, put the pieces together, make it look right. And yeah, sometimes that's just not a that's not how it goes. You know, I you know, uh so many times in my life I can think back to that too, where I was down this path, and then all of a sudden, you know, something came and I had to course correct. And most of the time I course correct because what I have done a large part of my life is follow what everybody else told me I should do. So I was raised, and you know, my and again, I don't want to dog on my parents. My parents did a wonderful job. There, I love them to death, and I wouldn't be here obviously if not for them beyond the physical. Um, but the um they had this, you know, I I was raised religious, and so I immediately went toward that that sort of thing. Um, and then eventually I went in college, I was decided to be an engineer because my dad was an architect, my uncle was an engineer, and I actually had done some of that and I really enjoyed it. I got to school and I went to a small private school, and they didn't teach calculus in this little private school in high school. So when I got to college, calculus blew my mind. I thought I was good at math. Then I got to college and I was like, oh, nope. Turns out I'm not. This is beyond me. So I switched degrees. And instead of really looking at what I wanted for myself and taking the moment to think about it, I instantly fell on something that I was drawn to at the time. So I fell on looking toward getting a uh a ministry degree because a buddy of mine was doing um, I forget what they called it. It was like outdoor ministries, it was like adventure stuff for youth ministry and things like that. So I was like, oh, so it wasn't something I really wanted to do. I saw it as, oh, that's a cool option. And so I chased that down. And then I just kept, you know, that was time on it, then I got divorced and all these things happened, you know. So um I feel like I need a really big headstone because I have a lot of things I need to put on there. Like, that's not how it was supposed to be, you know. I could have done, but all these things need to be on there. But um, but yeah, I think that that's I really like that analogy. I may have to steal that, you know, that because that's uh that's really good that you, you know, it's almost as if we're being forced to look at something a certain way, but in our minds we know that's not the way it's supposed to be for us. Right. You know, this is this is great for you, that's not what I want.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I've I've always been told that I was different, always. And I never understood what that meant. So for me, like as I've gotten older, I realize that maybe I'm different because I didn't want to live that life. Yeah. And and although I will say I'm so grateful that I got to have the family, and I did get to live, you know, there were good times, and I did get to have good experiences with my kids, and we traveled and we have all these amazing memories. And I look back on it and I feel like that if it wasn't for the hard times that I would have I would have missed out.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like those hard times, the struggles as in my childhood and then in my marriage, those are things that made me better. It made me show up, it made me show up better as a mom, um, as a friend, as a business owner, and it allowed me to see the world through a maybe a little bit of a different lens. Yeah, because I was challenged by by that. So being told that I was different used to offend me because I was like, what do you mean I'm different?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And now I'm like, okay, I'm different. I accept it and I'm kind of okay with it.
SPEAKER_03For sure.
SPEAKER_01And even if it means I'm different in um where I'm flawed, that's okay too.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Um, because I understand that I'm not perfect and I'm not ever gonna be. Um, but I'm sure if I'm gonna do something, no matter what it is, I'm gonna be the best at it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So even if that means a failure, I'm gonna be the best at being a failure. If it means being successful, then I'm gonna be the best at being successful. I'm not gonna half-heartedly go into anything. Yeah. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna dive in headfirst and and hope it works out. And so far I would say that it has.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Damn torpedoes, right?
SPEAKER_01Right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think adversity has a hell of a way of uh teaching us the things that, well, I mean, I you know, we we we know that if you don't struggle, you don't really learn anything, right? I mean, if you don't put in the effort, you know, these great athletes that didn't just walk out on the court, Michael Jordan didn't just walk out there and become the greatest basketball player of all time. He's spent time, you know. In fact, I I think he's the one that said that the shots that he made is because of all the shots that he missed, you know. And that's that's the thing, is like I think so many people look at these big successes and they want to ask, how did you become a success? And then when they say, Well, I failed a thousand different ways and I succeeded once, you know. Yeah, for every one success, there's multiple hundreds, maybe thousands of failures, right? And I think that I know for myself and probably a lot of people in the past, I would see that, and that's not the story that I wanted. I wanted the magic pill, you know, the panacea, the cure, you know, the things, you know. Mark Manson, one of my favorite authors, he mentions in one of his books that a lot of times we say, This is what I want to do, but when you get down to it, do you really want that? Because if you see what you do and compare that to what you want, sometimes those don't align. Most of the time they don't align. Right. And so, you know, for instance, he wanted to be a big rock star, he said, but he didn't want to practice the guitar. He didn't want to put in the effort for it. What he really wanted was just to be the guy on the stage, shredding the sweet licks, but not learning how to do it. And it's that effort that I think scares a lot of people off, right? But it's it's what you are doing and what you want to be, those two things have to align, you know. And so I think that's that's pretty key.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Well, and Michael Jordan also said, I never take a shot thinking I'm gonna miss it. He knew he was gonna make it. And so having that clarity and um that drive and motivation that I'm gonna I'm gonna shoot my shot and I'm gonna make it. I think there's um there's there's power in that.
SPEAKER_00I agree with that. And you know, it's uh I think that mentality of um believe you know, believing that you're gonna make it, like you said, but I don't shoot thinking that I'm gonna miss, right? And I think the other, another piece I think that really ruins it for people is perfectionism. And I'm beginning to think that perfectionism is more of um it's I think it lies in anxiety. I I think the there's that anxiety of what happens when I'm done with this. And so you avoid that reality of the end result by constantly going, oh, it's gonna be better, it's gonna be better. And I think the only way to really be successful at some point on some level is to accept good enough. Like this is good enough, that's gonna work. So now I can move on to the next thing. If you gotta change it, you gotta change it down the road, right? But good enough has to be good enough.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think being able to course correct at any given time. Um, again, like learning um, you know, what's my best practice may not be yours.
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_01So having the ability to make changes um on a whim when necessary, um, and then like going and listening and trusting your gut. Most of the time when I think about things in my life, when I listened to my gut, I was good. It was when I questioned and I paused and delayed, is when I really struggled and failed. So um understanding like self-doubt can get in the way easily. And but understanding, you know, trusting your gut, trusting, hey, I've been here, I've done this, or hey, maybe I haven't. But this has worked for someone else, or um, just being able to adapt, I think, is very crucial to any entrepreneur.
SPEAKER_00I think still uh failure rather I was gonna say success and failure and it became failure. Um, I think that failure actually builds confidence. I really do, because I think it was also Martin Manson that said that confidence is not a belief, a blind belief in success, it's a comfort with the possibility of failure. I'm going to do this believing I can, and if I don't, I don't, right? And I use this example a lot just because I'm a guy and it relates to guys. Um years ago when I first got divorced, I was very shy about approaching women to talk to them. I was very not confident. I just didn't, you know, I was like, I was a little bit cocky, but I think it was mostly a compensation for what I, you know, was very insecure about. But um, I finally one night when I was out with some friends, I just decided, you know what? I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna go, because we argued about this girl that came in. The guy's like, oh yeah, I was like, go talk to her. He said, No, I'm gonna talk to you, talk to her. This is nonsense, you know. So I finally was like, all right, fine. I went and talked to her, and of course she shot me down. And I just, in that moment, I thought, you know what? This is my problem because I walked over here super nervous. And so I thought, this is what I I decided that night, I'm going to talk to every woman that I possibly can and just get it out, you know. Uh, and I'd probably talk to 30, 40 women that night, and every one of them turned me down. But by the time the night was over, I was so comfortable with the possibility of a no that I just didn't care. Yeah. So from that point on, I learned, you know, hey, it's not about worrying about if she if anything's gonna anybody's gonna reject you, a friend, a date, a job. It's about going in confidently knowing that I can do this, and if this one doesn't work out, there's another one, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. My mentor um he has the saying that I feel like I live by is leave no doubt. And I love that because even if it's a no, at least you know because you left no doubt. And there's some power in that, and it gives you um clarity on what you want. So because I think at in our 40s, it's easy because you know, people talk about midlife crisis and oh, they're going through this. I don't know that it's actually a midlife crisis, it's also it's like we live this life. Um, half of our maybe-ish, half of our life is already gone, and we've got all of these past experiences where we we didn't live knowing what we wanted. And so I think we get to a certain point in our life where we're like, okay, what do I want?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then how do I get what I want? And knowing what you want and being clear on that, and then living with the philosophy of leaving no doubt is it will get you a long ways. Um, I mean, I know just me personally, I've had to do that recently. I was hung up in a situation and I was like, I cannot move on. I went through six months of just sheer torture, and I was miserable, and it was holding me back. And I talked to my mentor, and and he said, Leah, you know how to live. You know how to live. Leave no doubt. Go confront because powerful people confront.
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, you know what? You're right. I I know how to handle this situation, and I went and I did it. And when I left there, I had so much clarity that I was able to move on from it. I I was like, I really put myself out there, I left no doubt, um, and now I'm good, I can move on, and I can be happy with the choice and the decision that I've made in this situation. And I will never torture myself for six months ever again. So we say, I won't do it, I'm going to live it. You know, there's something about um not being afraid to s to say and speak in the moment. Like that was one thing I went through um Shield Maiden and I learned um there that I realized that I didn't have a voice. I didn't use my voice. And I was there on in Shield Maiden is kind of this women's, like, I want to call it almost a boot camp. But it's it's it's they take like um evil through evolutions of like sandbags and you're crawling through water and you're doing all these like crazy um like working workouts that you're you know, but you're learning from them. And actually one of the evolutions in that is they have you fill these sandbags and it's called Leave No Doubt. And I've been through, so I went through Show Maiden, then I've ran support as a coach um twice. And it's funny because everyone does it the same. They fill their sandbag just enough. And the coach is saying, Leave no doubt, leave no doubt, is your sandbag full? Well, and every woman that I've seen go through it, including myself, only filled it enough. And they were satisfied with that bag just being enough. There's enough sand in there because your next thought is, I'm gonna have to carry this thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I don't want to fill it all the way to the top because that's gonna be heavy. And so you leaped out. And so you and he makes you do it over and over. I've seen women, we've spent hours out on the beach of women going in and out of the ocean, coming out, dumping the sand out, and refilling their bag. And the lesson in that is um leave no doubt. You fill that sandbag to the top. And he'll come by and he'll like pull the fabric up and say, Is there any doubt at all that there's is there any more room for sand in your bag? And I mean, finally the light bulb goes off, and these women understand that I'm leaving doubt. And his question always is, where else are you doing that in life? Where are you leaving doubt? Why are you afraid to speak up in this relationship, in business, with your children, whatever part of your life, where are you leaving doubt? And so I learned through hours on the beach, filling sandbags and then going back and watching other women that the best philosophy to live by is leave no doubt. Someone said something that maybe you don't like or you don't fully understand, get clarity on that. Hey, I don't understand what that meant. Sure.
SPEAKER_00What do you mean by that? Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And let's get on the same page, or let's not, and you go your way and I'll go mine. And it's that way in business, relationships, and life with your children, like the way you teach them to show up in life. Leave no doubt. Go all in. Because again, like you said earlier, we are the creator of our life. We get to say who's in our life and who's not, and we get to say how successful we are through our work ethic and how maybe not successful that we are.
SPEAKER_00More coming up after the break. Hey there, podcast listener. Have you always wanted to start your own podcast? Have you been listening to this one and thinking to yourself? If you can do it, I can do it. You're not wrong. All you have to do is record your anchor. I think there's no, you know, it's uh Mark Manson. I I like Mark Manson enough I mentioned that. Um he uh he's probably on every one of my podcast episodes so far. He actually says, you know, that the the one com the only common denominator in all of your fucked up relationships is you. And I think that's everywhere. It's a job, you know, family, friends, romantic, whatever it is. You are the only common denominator in everything you have. And so if every relationship fails, if every job doesn't work out, if whatever, then you've got to really stop and take stock and and look and say, okay, what am I doing that I shouldn't be? What am I not doing that I should be? Now, what can I change here? Um, because yeah, I mean, I think that I like that, leave no doubt. I mean, it comes down to you're the only one at the steering wheel of your life. You're driving it. And so if it's on the wrong course, you're the only one that's gonna change it, you know.
SPEAKER_01Right. And if you continue to look in the rearview mirror and you're driving forward, you're never gonna get where you want to go. Oh, no doubt. You're probably gonna hit somebody. Exactly. And it could be tragic. So you've got to be able to leave the past where it is in the rear view mirror, and you've got to be able to look past the rear view into the future and say, moving forward, I say how I show up.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. So you've got a ton of things that you're doing that we've talked about here and there with your entrepreneurships. Um, any of those that you can talk about that you want to share about?
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, so actually I um have stepped into the coaching world and I didn't think that it was something I would ever like ever want to do.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I have embraced it and I love it. So I've got um a pot of women that I um coach. Um, then I also have a one-on-one client that I am coaching, so this is all brand new for me. But it's really taking um lessons that I've learned in life and just sharing it with other women and showing them how to apply them. Yeah, it's one thing to have experiences and go through things, but if you don't, and you learn the lesson, but it if you don't apply it, yeah, you're gonna get nowhere. And most of the time, the women, it's it's I have found it very common. Well, I guess I would say every woman. We all have the same issues. We do, and and these women live all over the country. I mean, like literally, like Washington, California, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine, um, Missouri. I mean, they're all over, and we all have the same problems. And so coming together most of the time, we can solve our own problems. Sometimes you just need to be able to be a sounding board to someone and say, look, this is where I'm at. And you can hear it and answer your own, because the answer is most of the time within. You already know fear or doubt, self-doubt holds you back and keeps you questioning, am I doing the right thing? Um, and the fear of failure controls and drives you.
SPEAKER_03Oh, fear is terrible.
SPEAKER_01It is, and but also fear is a liar. Yeah. If we will realize that that fear is where we thrive if we won't let it control us, if we let it go and move past that and say, okay, this is the situation, this is what I want, being clear on what you want and knowing that I can get there will really diminish the fear. Most of the time I say, if you're not afraid of it, then you probably shouldn't do it anyway.
SPEAKER_00Fair enough, yeah. And I just want to note from my listeners that um she said that all women have the same issues and problems. I did not.
SPEAKER_01Well, I would say for the most part, there may be a few that are unique, but for the most part, we are women are amazing um because we can adapt.
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_01Um, we adapt to really, I would say, any kind of situation and scenario. And most of the time, if we don't let doubt and fear control us, we can come out thriving.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. I'm I personally am a pretty big fan of women, so so you're coaching, is that with the Shield Maiden thing or is that just uh all sorts of things?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so right now I am um I'm just doing I'm learning, and so I am doing some things um unofficially through the organization. Um, so I but it's something I'm doing on my own. Um and so I have in the I'm working with two other women where we're gonna put together some uh some things that are gonna be really good. Hopefully we can bring it here to Northwest Arkansas. And honestly, it was the going through Shield Maiden was such a a life-changing event for me, uh, as well as the other two women that um we were just like we want to collaborate together and bring this um to other women that maybe can't get to Florida. And we always will encourage people to go through that because it is such an amazing organization and the people that run it um and Satema, he's just um Spencer, Sean, I mean, all of the people involved, they're amazing um mentors and just they get it, they understand. So, but yeah, so I have that, and then I you know, I invest in companies um as I find them. So my latest is this ice cream company, and then I have a tourism company that I am spending quite a bit of time and leaving um in a few days to go out to New York to, you know, work on that, which is super exciting for me. And then I have you know, coaching, and then my I have my cell phone company and and then I have some properties, and yeah, so all of those things like I like to be diversified and I encourage other entrepreneurs. Um, I mostly work with women just because you know I'm a woman and it's convenient. Yeah, but I always encourage them to not have your egg, all your eggs in one basket. Try to be as diversified as you can, but it also takes time. Like it took me a long time um when I first started out in the wireless industry to build it up to where I would even have time to look at other companies. And so I would encourage anyone listening that is um has been in business and they're established to really invest in your team to allow them to run things for you so you can be freed up to do other things. And that way you can fulfill the real passion that is in you that drives and motivates you. Um, and trying to figure out like what what is your passion, like what excites me, what makes me want to get out of bed every morning, or like Satima calls it, what's your holy cause? Like what drives you? Knowing what that is um is hard when you are in your 40s and your kids are grown and they no longer need you, and you're like, oh, I'm I'm an empty nester now, and I've got all these things going on. What do I do with my time? Yeah, and like having the option to do that is I'm I'm grateful.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, but also having a really good team and structure and a solid um back end organization. A lot of times people live in this scarcity mindset. Well, I have to do everything, and I can't um I have to have my hands in, you know, paying the bills and I have to have my hand in building the team and hiring. Really, you don't.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_01If you're doing a good job, you're really um you're training your people to do those things for you so you can go out and build that legacy that you want to build for your for your own life.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. You know, it's two things that you've mentioned that I I thought about. I've had two mentors, well, three really great mentors in my my days. Um, one of them was when I was in restaurants, and um one of the things that he taught me whenever we train people was to train that person to replace you.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00To teach them to do your job better than you. Because a lot of people get afraid of that. You know, they're afraid to train somebody and teach them how to do it the way they do it because they might replace me. But if they are gonna replace you, then if you've done a good job, you're probably moving up. And another one of my mentors when I was at Walmart, he told me that the way that he got to where he was was because he never set his sights on being a VP or a direct or anything like that. What he set his sight on was being the absolute best of what he was doing. So if you know, if your janitor is the best janitor, whatever it is, and when you show that you can you can kill it where you are, that's how you get moved up. Um, but people focus so much on I want to be a VP, I want to be a CEO, I want to do this. I think, and that may work for some people, I don't want to say that's not the right way, but I know that for myself, there was a point in my life at when I was at Walmart. It took me, it took me a while. It took me about five years to finally land the role that I wanted at Walmart. And I actually had to leave and come back to to get there because initially I'd gotten my master's degree and I got that degree because someone convinced me that Walmart loved this degree and I'm gonna get this big job if I get it. So I do this, and it took me, I was there for about three and a half years as a temp, um, trying to get a full-time job there with this big degree I had, my master's. And everybody kept telling me that I should replace it. You gotta be able to do that, you gotta be able to do this, you should be able to just, you know, this, you're smarter than that guy, whatever. And so I got this entitlement. I got this mindset where this is owed to me. I did this, why is this not being given to me? And I didn't have the mindset that I need to earn it. Uh, and I'm you know, I'll probably working, but I just, to me, I was like, okay, I'm doing this little job, and I mean, I'm in my I'm almost 40, you know, blah, blah, blah. Um, and so I finally left and I went to a different company for about a year, and I did not enjoy that experience at all. And I started thinking through things and kind of reassessing where I was. So I made a mental course correction and I called my mentor. I was like, look, you gotta help me. I gotta get out of here. I told him I said, I'll come back to Walmart in another temp role if I have to do that to start, but that's fine. I just have to get out of here and then I'm gonna move, make my way. And so he did. He helped me. Uh, I landed a temp project manager role at Sam's Club, and then I worked in that for a year, and then uh just through knowing different people, I was able to get in touch with this hiring manager and I got the full, I got a permanent role with Walmart. But it took me realizing that I'm not owed anything, and I didn't realize that in the rest of my life in a broader picture, I really had this entitlement complex, this mentality that why don't I have these things? These are supposed to be giving, you know. I mean, I'm sure I've worked, I've worked, I've done my thing. How come I don't have this yet? And that's, you know, that that change and understanding, like, you know, when you earlier, you know, you've mentioned a couple times, you want to be the best at whatever is you're gonna touch. Even if it's gonna be a failure, you know, you're gonna be the best failure. And that's where my mindset had to change. I had to realize, okay, I'm not doing enough in what I'm doing. So nobody's gonna give me more. You know, you don't, you don't get you don't go to the bank and show them that you couldn't handle your thousand-dollar checking account balance every month because you're negative every pay period, and then expect them to give you this hundred thousand dollar loan. These things don't pan out that way. So yeah, I um it's important to have those. I think the mindset of you have to work, you have to earn it, and then training your people, like you said, training somebody, teaching the people below you, um, below you, that's not nice, but you know what I mean? The the people that you know report to you, training your team to take over for you. Uh, that way you can step out, you know, and do that.
SPEAKER_01Well, a lot of times people, um, we, and I've struggled with this early on, is we have this need to be needed that gives us a sense of uh important, you know, we feel important because oh, you're we're needed, and really understanding that we're providing income and we're providing them with something that maybe they're passionate about or something that they enjoy, and allowing them to thrive in that and being able to train them and invest time in them and then watch them really take that to the next level and giving them enough rope where they can make decisions. Um, I think there's just being able to delegate and do it really well, and then allow those people to become solid and successful. There's there's something to that. And I've I personally enjoy getting to watch. Now, a lot of times that has happened and and we've had to take a few steps back, but that's part of it. You're not, you don't start out the being the greatest.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01You learn to be great, and through time and experience and repetition is when you become really good or really great at what you're doing. So um, I think that team um spirit and that team uh just the camaraderie of everyone coming together and showing up being their best. Um, because we all have the same goals.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we all want to be successful. No one has a goal in life that I want to be a failure.
SPEAKER_00Right. Yeah. I'll be the utter worst of this.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I think um it goes to work ethic and aligning yourself with people that match your work ethic is very important.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Um, and then understanding what their goals are in their own life. Like every person on my team, I know what their goals are. Where do you want to go in life? What is your three-year plan? What's your five-year plan? Where are you at? Where do you want to be in 12 months? Yeah. Understanding that how can I help you get there? And understanding where they're at, and then also like one thing that I've learned is living in a 12-week season, how important that is to achieve your goals. Like every 12 weeks, you evaluate where do I want to be physically? Where do I want to be financially? Where do I want to be spiritually? Where do I want to be in all areas of my life relationally? Where do I want to be? And then having that written down and that understanding of all right, 12 weeks from now, I want to weigh 150 pounds or whatever it is. In 12 weeks, I want to have muscles in my shoulders or whatever it is. If you don't have a plan, you're never gonna get there. So breaking it down in seasons, it gives you accountability to yourself and say, okay, on this day, I'm gonna start, and every day for the next 12 weeks, I am gonna show up, and this is how I'm gonna do it. And then at the end of that 12 weeks, celebrating the wins.
SPEAKER_00I think that's key. Yeah, that's a big one. I think that's too many people don't give themselves credit for what they've accomplished. They, oh, I did this, you know, my goal was to lose 10 pounds, but I only lost eight. Well, okay. I mean, you didn't lose 10, but you did lose eight.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00You know, so give yourself some credit, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and even taking that as motivation, all right. I didn't lose the 10, but these next 12 weeks, yeah, I'm gonna kill it. And I know what I did that kept me from losing the full 10 pounds. So I'm gonna implement that in my next season.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think that's really critical too, there is being able to assess the steps that you took and see, you know, okay, these are the things I should have done. This is what I did, and this was this is what kept me from accomplishing my goal. So, how do I remove that?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. It's on the only way you can grow. And then again, being clear on the simple question. I remember the first time I was asked this, what do you want? And I was like, I drew a blank. I'd never been asked that. I was 41 years old. The first time someone asked me, What do you want? What do you want in life? And I was like, I know what I don't want.
SPEAKER_00Well, it's not a bad place to start.
SPEAKER_01It's yes, but it's also the reason why I wasn't getting what I wanted.
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_01Because you didn't know what I didn't know what I wanted. So, like stopping and understanding what actually do I want? Where am I at? Where do I want to live? What friends do I want to have? What lifestyle do I want to create for myself? Like, how much money do I want to spend living in that lifestyle? Like, fully understanding what you want. What kind of relationship do I want? Do I want a man that loves me and and celebrates me, or do I want a man that puts me down and is afraid of me and is intimidated? No, I am clear on what I want. And how I know that I won't go back to a bad relationship is I'm clear on the relationship that I do want. And it it's a it's a map, it's like a blueprint for your life.
SPEAKER_00Oh, 100%. I think it's I think it's really important to to be specific about your goals, you know, like some people, I want to lose weight. Okay, well, that's not really a goal. No. Um, you want to lose how many pounds pounds, or like for me, I want to gain weight. But um I probably never will, but but you you uh good goal to have, though. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01It's easier than the other.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if it is or not.
SPEAKER_01It is for me anyway.
SPEAKER_00I can I mean I can gain weight, just not what I want it. But I think it's important to write it down, yeah. To say, okay, this is like you said, and and I like that um every 12 months to reassess, you know, because 12 weeks. Or 12 weeks, I'm sorry, yes, 12 months, yeah. Every 12 weeks, you have that quarterly reassessment because yeah, you gotta look and go, okay, I know this is what my goal was, and I'm two and a half months in here, you know, or now three months in and kind of that way, but where do I need to adjust, you know, that kind of thing? And I I think it's important to write down what you want to do because if you write down the goal, you can write down the steps. Yes, and then you can think through that process like what is it going to actually take me to, you know, if I want to be, you know, well, like I'm doing this uh this muscle and fitness competition thing to be um Mr. Health and Fitness for the next year. And right now it's kind of a popularity contest, it's all voting, it's I think it's really influencer based. But I've kind of pushed myself a little bit harder, but I really need to sit down and do this process we're talking about and make a goal for myself because if I do win, I think it's in July, the end of July when it's decided, if I do win, they're gonna do a photo shoot. So I'll be on the cover of Muscle and Fitness and then a spread in the magazine. Cool, except not right now, unless they're gonna seriously photoshop those photos. I need some help with the editing guys. But so I need to really kind of amp it up, you know, and get myself and I'm I'm getting there. I'm I feel pretty good about where I'm headed, but I haven't really sat down and said, okay, Steve, let's make a plan so that if you know the gods are good and you win this competition and you're gonna be on the photo cover of this magazine, you don't want people to like, what's muscle fitness doing right now? You know, so yeah, I gotta make a goal, right, you know, and write it down. So that's it's a good plan. It's a good reminder. I appreciate you calling me out on my own show.
SPEAKER_01Well, you're welcome anytime. You know, it's funny because I have I have that too. I'm coming up in September. I have this um competition, and I want to show up and I want to look my best. And I am not about to get on a stage and I haven't fully agreed to wear a bikini yet. But um, that's that's the plan for for this particular competition. And I'm like, okay, if I'm gonna do this in September, how do I get the body that I want? And I do that by strength training. Three days a week and then you know walking five miles a day three other days a week.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And that's the only that's the only way that I can assure myself that when September rolls around, I'm not wearing the t-shirt with the body cut out in the front printed on it. Because I will do it.
SPEAKER_00It's not a bad plan. They have those for guys too, right? Yes, there you go. That might be your answer.
SPEAKER_01Actually, I could show up in that and then take it off. I don't know, maybe we'll see. Or not.
SPEAKER_04All right.
SPEAKER_01But no, I've I'm going to show up in September and I'm gonna have results. And I'm I can guarantee it because I have a clear plan, a path that's laid out before me. I know how much I'm supposed to eat every day, how much protein I'm supposed to consume, and how much healthy fats I'm gonna need to get there to have this body by September. And so I've it doesn't even stress me out. The only anxiety I have is actually walking in front of people in a bikini and I would do it on the beach.
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_01But this is different.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, on the beach, they're not all looking at you.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. And so for me, I'm like, all right, if I'm gonna show up again, how do I do it? Let's get clear. And again, there's there's uh clarity is power.
SPEAKER_00I haven't yet um really considered bikini competitions, but it could be in my future. I don't know. If I can get away where I am, I'll fit a bikini top pretty nicely.
SPEAKER_01It has a way of motivating you, I will guarantee that.
SPEAKER_00I'm sure of it. I'm sure of it. At least I can wear shorts and my and my shoes. Maybe I can wear like a tank top, but kind of look muscular. Alright, so let's uh I'm gonna wrap us up here and uh throw some uh I'm gonna fire some questions off at you. And these are all like I just like to wrap my show with these little surprise questions. So, what is something that people seem to misunderstand about you?
SPEAKER_01So I'm told I'm intimidated and intimidating often. And I'm like, for me, I'm like, I'm the nicest person on the planet. And I'm I feel like I lived a very a very balanced life. And so I've a few days ago, I was at Slim Chickens, and the lady taking my order was a nervous wreck, and I noticed it. I was like, what? Why? And one of the girls that was with me knew her, and we went and sat down. I was waiting, and she goes, You intimidate her, and I was ordering um a slim's wrap with grilled chicken. I mean, that was it, there was no conversation beyond there, and I thought, why? And and again, I hate being told that because I am misunderstood, um, because I'm not here to intimidate anyone. If anything, I want to motivate and encourage and like I want to be this cheerleader for other people of hey, this is this is life. We all live it the same. Yeah, we all are have problems, we all have failed, and it's just how we show up in life determines where we go and what we have. And so I don't want to be intimidating to anyone. I want them to go, that girl is so nice, yeah, but I want to spend time with her because she is like this, the true southern girl that is just kind. And so I don't know if that answers your question, but that is something that is a sensitive thing for me because I'm like, I am not intimidating at all. Come on.
SPEAKER_00That's interesting. Yeah, it's I've actually it's funny you say that because I've uh I've had people once or twice say that to me, and I'm thinking, well, did you make me angry? Because I mean I could see that, but just generally speaking, I I feel like I'm pretty quiet most of the time, you know, unless I'm having a ruckus with my friends, but you know.
SPEAKER_01Well, I feel like that I walk around with this big goofy grin most of the time. I'm like, how is this goofy grin intimidating? I'm like, welcoming, hello. Right. I'm smiling at you, talk to me.
SPEAKER_00Maybe that's my maybe I have resting bitch face, man.
SPEAKER_01Maybe, maybe I have it and don't realize it. I don't know. I need to work on that.
SPEAKER_00You certainly don't intimidate me.
SPEAKER_01Good, good.
SPEAKER_00What is uh what what makes you feel inspired or just like your best self?
SPEAKER_01Uh I I would say so. My kids are very inspirational to me. Like I I want to um when I die, I want this said about me, not just by my kids, but by anyone that knows me, that they were better from having known me, from having known me. Let me say it like that. Like I'm a better person because of her. The time I spent with her, I feel um, I feel better. So I want to leave people inspired. I want to leave my family inspired. I want them to know that um no matter what you go through, no matter how humble the beginnings are, if you have a work ethic that is solid and you're willing to get your hands dirty and you won't take no for an answer, and you can get in front of people because all I needed was opportunity. I just needed someone to believe in me and I could take that and run with it and and turn that into success. And so for me, like I want, I want it said, maybe this needs maybe I want this on my tombstone is um she left us better than she found us.
SPEAKER_00Um, okay. If you could have a billboard right now with anything on it, what would you put on it?
SPEAKER_01Wow, that's a good one. I know that you hear this all the time. People say it, but I feel like I live it. But really, fear i is a liar and believe that. Um, if you're not afraid of it, then you probably shouldn't be doing it.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01And so I would I encourage um people all the time to um embrace the fear, live in it, and let it motivate you.
SPEAKER_00I like that too. Yeah, fear is um it's funny how fear operates, you know, our our uh I was like the monkey brain, you know, the amygdala, if if that's I think those two are the same thing, I could be completely wrong about that. But you know, the the evolutionary, you know, way back our ancestors, if there was a rustling in the bushes, that probably was something trying to eat you. So you run. So, you know, if I don't run and it's something trying to eat me, I'm dead, right? If I do run and it wasn't something trying to eat me, cool. So sometimes I think we operate from that that old brain, you know, where we're you see something and you think, ooh, that's that could be something bad. But a lot of times it's just wind in the in the bushes, you know. So yeah, I like that. The fear is fear should motivate you to some extent, right? Instead of instead of what's the word I want, instead of holding you back and making you just like stagnated, it ought to motivate you.
SPEAKER_01Yes, run towards it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's the only way that you figure it out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and it's the only way that you can learn. Um, because if you fail, it's okay. Yeah, it takes failures to to, you know, it's like you were saying earlier. Um, there's a book I read. In fact, I have all of my employees read this book. It's called Going for the No. When you were talking about the the girls and how you would uh like every no you would get, you knew I'm that much closer to a yes.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01And so I'm gonna count my no's instead of counting my yeses.
SPEAKER_00That's interesting. Okay. Yeah. My um a good friend of mine, he's uh he's in psychology, and he um is actually my first uh guest on the show, and he talked about how actually failure, we all fear failure, but realistically, we actually know, like in our logical minds, we we know that if failure is actually not bad, it's not a bad thing at all, but we still fear it because socially it's a thing, you know. And and uh he talks about, you know, like a a lion out on the prairie chasing down a rabbit. If he doesn't get it, he doesn't come back to the pride, and they're like, meha, you didn't get the rabbit, you know. But you know, he'll just go out and get a different rabbit or whatever he can find. But where we feel socially branded if we fail at something, you know, and it's sure it you know drives us to not want to fail, but really failure is a part of that. It's it's a step in the process. You have to fail to really succeed.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Um, okay. What if there were a book about your life, what would be the title?
SPEAKER_01Well, there actually is a book about my life and it's coming out. Um, well, it'll be completed by July. And right now the title is Lies I Believed.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. Interesting.
SPEAKER_01So coming out of a um marriage, um, you know, and coming out of um growing up the way I did, very religious, I believed a lot of things that were not true. And so I talk about that in my book and then how I overcome.
SPEAKER_03Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01So yes, coming soon. Oh, I will add authored to my list at some point, well, hopefully this year.
SPEAKER_00Very cool. Well look for that book. Um, okay. So then what is the best compliment you've ever received?
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna say it's gonna come from my kids. So after a year and a half um of my so I was divorced for a year and a half at the time, and my son came up to me and he said, Mom, seeing how you were before and seeing how you are now, he said, I'm been pressed.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_01He said, I want to live up to that. He said, You're such a strong woman and I'm proud of you.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_01And he didn't know at the time, but I I went in my room and I cried.
SPEAKER_00Sure, I can imagine.
SPEAKER_01Because I thought, if no one else in the world says anything good about me, if my kids say that, I've accomplished a lot.
SPEAKER_03Oh, for sure.
SPEAKER_01I've I've done what I was supposed to do on this earth, and that was give myself to my four kids and show them and teach them what unconditional love looks like and um what failure and success can look like. And so hearing him say those things about me, and they do, they my kids they talk about me often um to me, about how mom, I need your help. And my kids didn't go through that oh um I know more than you stage in their teenage years. Like, we didn't go through that. Um, my kids came to me when they were in a relationship that they didn't understand when they were a daughter when she was dating these boys that were saying things to her that she knew probably they shouldn't be saying. And um, and she was heartbroken by a couple of the boys because she really cared about them. And I would tell her, honey, I raised you better than that. You know, that is not for you. And and now she's married, happily married to a wonderful young boy and or young man, and um he treats her so well, and he's got her on this pedestal, and he's just a good man, and she's like, Mom, thank you for helping me through that. And so being able to be real and raw with my kids and them understand that uh life is not perfect and we're gonna hurt, and there's gonna be times of disappointment, but it's what we do in those moments um that really test who we are in in our character. Absolutely, and so I belie I feel like they understand that, and then hearing them compliment me and say thank you for being there for me, thank you for the memories. We were in Florida like two weeks ago. Um, I took them uh to Destin and we spent the week on the beach um with my son-in-law and and and uh my four kids, and I have an adopted daughter too, unofficial adopted, but had her since she was 14. But we were all there together, which she's now 20, by the way, but um, but we were all there together, and they were the kids were playing on the beach, and I was sitting there watching them, and I felt like life had come full circle. Like I remember being that little girl going, This is the family that I wanted. I wanted a big family. And I get to watch them play on the beach and have fun and laugh and tell stories, and they talk about, yeah, when we were little, mom would do this, and they would tell these like really funny stories. And then at the end of it, for them to say, Thanks, Mom, we needed this, we needed this time together. It was good for us.
SPEAKER_02Thank you.
SPEAKER_01And so, like, I would say the best compliment would has come from them repeatedly and seeing the life that they're living and becoming, like the young adults that they're becoming is is so rewarding for me. So they are a compliment to me.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome. It sounds like they are. If you could spend an hour with any three people, who would that be?
SPEAKER_01Um, would be my grandmother on my dad's side. She was an amazing woman. Um, she was a leader of women, and and and then it wasn't really a thing either. Um, like my grandmother was the mayor of our hometown, and she was really an in uh an innovator in so many areas of her life, and she was so organized. It was insane how organized she was. And when I remember when she passed away, my cousin Sonia and I were going through, like she had all these filing cabinets of canceled checks. You know, that was a thing back then. The bank would send all the checks that would come through for their records, and anytime that she did for, she had three boys, anytime she would do for one, you would always see checks of three. She did one for each. So if she gave a a thousand dollars to one son, she gave to the other.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_01And it was never like we it we were looking for, and I was like, wow. I was remember how impressed I was by how consistent she was with her boys, and she did show favoritism, she loved them all.
SPEAKER_03That's awesome.
SPEAKER_01And so for me, that was really impressive. But I would love to have a sit-down conversation with her about business. She actually helped me start my first company. I went to her and asked her for a $3,000 loan and she gave it to me. And uh, she's what got me started and the first franchise that I ever bought. And so I would love to have a conversation with her about my mom, this is what I've done. How could I have done it better? How can I be better moving forward? And then those the other person would be um my ex-husband's grandmother. She made such an impact on my life. And I feel like that having her in my life and having my grandmother in my life, I am a version of both of them. Um, his grandmother, I met her the first time when I was 14. The very first time I walked into her door, she said, Come here, honey, let me show you how he likes his tea made.
SPEAKER_00Nice.
SPEAKER_01She was the homemaker. She made everything homemade. And so she would take my schedule and she would schedule times for me to come to her house and I would cook with her. And she taught me how to be a homemaker. She taught me how to make homemade pie crusts because, honey, you don't ever buy that stuff. It's so much better homemade.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01And she taught me how to um to make all kinds of things, and and so I'm a good cook because of her. And I understood how to budget because she had an allowance that her husband gave her, and she fed the family. And so I would take her and we would buy groceries, and we spent so much time together, and she told me stories about her growing up and stories about how God moved and helped her in her life and made her who she was. She's a very spiritual person, and and so she made such an impact on me that I feel like even to this day, a part of her lives inside of me. And then on the other hand, I had this example, incredible example from my grandmother of what a businesswoman looks like. And like my grandmother, she wasn't a cook. My grandfather cooked and he did a lot of the things at home because their schedules were different. He would get off at three and she wouldn't, so he would go home and take care of things at home. And so I remember seeing like those two examples, like looking back on my life, I'm like, wow, I'm a version of both of them. And would love to have that conversation with both of them now about how here I am.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_01And this is what you did for me and how grateful I am for that. So um, yeah, so they definitely are. And then I don't know, the third person, um, I would say probably my grandfather. He died when I was 12, and he was an amazing man. And I remember our whole community um like mourning the loss of my grandfather because he was um so much a part of like my hometown and bringing in like paving the streets, and they I remember as a little girl watching them like do a blueprint of the town and and naming the streets and then paving them because I remember when they were they were all dirt roads. Oh wow. And he brought in the sewer system and all these things into our hometown. And so my grandfather was such an amazing um leader and an amazing man that um, and he died, you know, so young. I wish that I could have a conversation and he could just pour like all this wisdom into me and tell me that I'm doing it right. I would say those three people.
SPEAKER_00That would be very cool. My my grandfather, my grandfather, man, I'm gonna deal with talking today. My grandfather um actually was a chief engineer on uh at the Belo Vista project, so that's kind of cool to hear that your grandfather did a similar thing there. What do you think is your most defining quality?
SPEAKER_01Um, I would say my ability to adapt, pretty easy. Um, I'm pretty laid back in the easygoing. Um, I know what I want.
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_01I'm not afraid of that, but I'm also very um realistic and just I'm I'm pretty passive.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01I think as I get older, I'm I'm more about, I'm very calm. And so yeah, I would say my ability to adapt to different situations because I can go into something and it'd be like 911, yeah, everybody run, and I'd be like, okay, how do we do this the right way? And then, or it could be everything's calm and good, and I'm happy there too. So I think I can adapt to um all kinds of situations, and I would say that's because of my mother.
SPEAKER_00You know, it's funny you mentioned that the 911 thing. I am, I I have a strange thing, strange relationship with stress. My own personal things, if they somewhat are stressful, I stress out quite a bit a lot of times. Like, you know, whatever it's money or whatever it is, I will stress. But when I was in restaurants and I was a restaurant manager, and I think it's because of um my two restaurant mentors. Um, they they showed me, you know, how to manage situations and do all that. But for whatever reason, and it must be their training and the teaching, but when it came to the relate the restaurant, I remember actually one night when I was running uh the restaurant in Springdale, we had a fire in the kitchen. We had an electrical fire. One of the outlets just caught in flame. And uh my kitchen guy ran out there and he's just freaking out. So I went back in the kitchen with him. And for whatever reason, I just I'm just super calm in those, like, like you said, 9-1-1 moments. I'm just like super placid. I have nothing going on on the surface on the surface. You'd never know what was happening below. And but I'm just kind of like mentally going through all what what's what do we gotta do next? What's the next thing that has to happen to to make this go smoothly? And I'm just always like that in those situations, work situations, whatever they are. Oddly enough, in my personal life, it's much more difficult to start and just manage that same process the same way, you know.
SPEAKER_01I can relate.
SPEAKER_00It's uh it's pain sometimes.
SPEAKER_01I think it I do think as we get older it gets better, you know. I think that you just adapt and it's okay.
SPEAKER_00So I'm pretty old now, so well, I am not.
SPEAKER_01I'm still in my early 40s.
SPEAKER_00I guess I just clicked over my late 40s now, so 40s things. Of course, my son told me I'm gonna live forever because I haven't gotten out of my midlife crisis yet.
SPEAKER_01So very nice.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. What is your uh what's your go-to karaoke song?
SPEAKER_01Oh gosh. Um, so I'm a huge Miranda Lambert fan. I like this song. It's called Only Prettier, and it makes me sound like that. I'm but I love the words to that song because it talks about how we all are different and we all have, but let's let's reach across the aisle and let's make amends for where we're at and let's make peace with, you know, the fact that we're all different, but it's okay. So yeah, it's a good song. You need to listen to. I'm sure you're a huge country fan. You look like you are with Mattel, or with you know, Led Zeppelin and all of that everywhere.
SPEAKER_00I don't love country, it's literally not my I hate it actually.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I like all music.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I can't really say I hate country, it's just not my go-to.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I understand. I I listen to her as she's on playlists, but I can't listen to her back to back. Does that make sense? I need like a mix-up of but she's super talented. I did go to her concert a couple weeks ago and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was quite nice. So she's very talented.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I actually like uh I have a broad range of music I listen to, and I'm the same as you. I my my Spotify list I keep on Shuffle because I don't I don't want to listen to the same thing back to back. You know, even like Muse is like probably my all-time favorite band. But even them, I don't want to listen to their song a whole album at once. I just that's just not what I do, you know. I think that's why I don't really like records. People love vinyl, and it's cool. It's very uh it's kind of kitschy to me, but um, they're cool to have and all, but uh, and I have some, but uh you're forced to listen to the album. I don't know, flip them records off, you know. I'm not a DJ. Um, okay, who is someone that you really admire if it's somebody other than you've already mentioned?
SPEAKER_01Well, I really admire my mother, but then also, um, so there's a man, his name is Spencer Kemble, and I met him 18 months ago. He and his wife, Nancy, are incredible people, and I feel honored to know them and have them in my life. And so, yeah, I know at any given moment, if I needed something, I could call them and they they would be there. Spencer has been um very instrumental um as far as helping me understand myself, understanding how to communicate better and how to use my voice. So um I appreciate him for that. I would say Spencer and Nancy Kimball, and then also, of course, I can't not bring up Satima. Uh Satima Nolly has been, he's a game changer for me. He really has made such an impact on my life. Oh gosh, I have to narrow this down because there's someone else that I'm not not mentioned, but um also, so um, there's a man I grew up with. Um I've he's known me my entire life. Um, but his name is Johnny Martin, and I also know, like, I I have no fear because I know if something was to break, I could call him and he lives in southwest Arkansas, and he would drive here and fix that for me if I absolutely need it.
SPEAKER_04Oh, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_01And I they're a phone call away, and he reminds me sometimes daily, most of the time weekly, that I'm here for you. And um, I also have a you know a very close relationship with his wife as well. And I feel honored to have so many, like just people that love me, like truly love me and care about my future and my well-being.
SPEAKER_00That's really cool.
SPEAKER_01Not one, you got three.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, that's all right. Well, if there's any more, you can just email it to me and I'll put it in the show notes. That way they're all out there. Nobody feels left out.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00Um, you've kind of already answered this, but I'll put it to you uh unless this uh unless you know your children pretty much are the answer. But if you could be known for only one thing you've ever accomplished, what would it be?
SPEAKER_01I would say uh I would want it said, I'm a great mother.
SPEAKER_00That's fair. That's pretty awesome. I mean, it seems like you must be. So if your kids can turn around and compliment you like that, that's that's good.
SPEAKER_01I certainly try.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. All we can do, right? Well, is there anything uh anything else you want to say to wrap it up?
SPEAKER_01No, other than thank you. Thank you for this experience, for your time, um, for your friendship.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And um, I'm I'm grateful to be here and honored to uh be a guest on your show. So thank you.
SPEAKER_00Well, thank you. I appreciate your time being here. It's been great. The conversation.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, I'd love for you to share it with anyone you think might also enjoy it. And if you like the show, please consider supporting it. If you'd like to help, there's a link in the show notes. I'd like to thank all of our guests for taking time out and have these conversations. If you want to follow the show, you can find us on Facebook and Twitter and remember the reading review.
People on this episode
Podcasts we love
Check out these other fine podcasts recommended by us, not an algorithm.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
Jordan Harbinger
The Know Rogan Experience
Cross Pond Productions
Citation Needed
Citation Needed Media